CCL of Denver

July 24, 2002

Marriage prep: for lifetime commitment

Program equips couples with tools to live a joyful Christian marriage

By Steve Weidenkopf

Congratulations on your engagement! You are entering a period of intense joy, happiness and stress as you begin to plan your new life together. Before the euphoria and stress envelop you and before you start wading through the multiple options for reception sites, dresses and flowers, you should focus on the real important aspect of your engagement: preparing to receive the beautiful, wonderful and holy sacrament of matrimony.

The Archdiocese of Denver has a multifaceted, extensive and intensive marriage preparation process. The purpose of this process is not to create more stress, confusion or "hoops" for you to "jump" through, rather, the process is intended to equip you with the tools necessary to live a happy, successful, joy-filled Christian marriage. Our society suffers from a divorce culture — a culture where the institution of marriage is threatened and cheapened. Studies also indicate that about 50 percent of all first-time marriages will end in divorce and if one lives together before marriage the likelihood of divorce is even greater. Surveying the current cultural landscape, the Church takes her mission of helping couples understand the sacrament they are receiving and equipping them with the tools for a successful marriage seriously and therefore has developed a marriage preparation process with this in mind.

The main elements of the preparation process can be summarized into four parts. The first part is to meet with your parish priest or deacon. These meetings will occur throughout the minimum eight-month preparation time. At the initial meeting, the priest or deacon will discuss and explain the various elements of the preparation process. You will be given various forms to be completed and returned and instructed to send for a newly issued baptismal certificate. You may also be given a pre-marital inventory designed to help you focus on certain key aspects of your relationship. This inventory will be scored and then reviewed with you by your priest, deacon or a married mentor couple.

The second part of the marriage preparation process involves an instructional workshop designed to help you understand the "why's" behind the "what's" of Catholic teaching on marriage and human sexuality. The Office of Marriage and Family Life holds a one-day workshop titled, "God's Plan for a Joy-filled Marriage" which satisfies this element of marriage preparation. This class focuses on a biblical catechesis on marriage in the morning and building on that foundation, the afternoon sessions help explain and illustrate the truth of Catholic teaching on human sexuality. This class is offered twice a month (on average) throughout the year. For more information or to register for this class, log on to the marriage preparation Web site at http://www.archden.org/marriage/marriageprep.htm.

The third element of marriage preparation is another instructional workshop that focuses on the practical "life skills" necessary for marriage. Building on the first instructional workshop, this workshop is structured to help equip you with the practical skills necessary for a successful Christian marriage. The Office of Marriage and Family Life sponsors Catholic Engaged Encounter Retreat Weekends in Bailey that satisfy this portion of the marriage preparation process. The Friday evening through Sunday afternoon retreat focuses on such practical skills as communication techniques, conflict resolution, parenting, finances, etc. For more information or to register for this retreat, log on to the marriage preparation Web site at http://www.archden.org/marriage/marr_engaged.htm.

Your parish may also offer a similar workshop or may have married mentor couples who will help you in this area, be sure to talk with your priest or deacon to determine which option will satisfy this portion of the preparation process.

The fourth element of marriage preparation is a full-course load of natural family planning (NFP) instruction. NFP is a way of life in keeping with the truth and beauty of human sexuality. It also respects the dignity and worth of the human person, particularly women, by providing knowledge on how God designed the woman's cycle of fertility. NFP helps couples make a "well-thought out and generous decision to raise a large family, or by the decision, made for grave motives and with respect for the moral law, to avoid a new birth for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period" ("Humanae Vitae," 10). There are different methods of NFP taught in the archdiocese but the most common is the "sympto-thermal" method. A certified married couple in four classes held over four months teaches this method. Your priest or deacon should give you a schedule of classes with information on how to register at your initial meeting with him. You may also call the archdiocesan NFP hotline at 303-715-3239 for class schedules and registration information.

Once again, congratulations on your engagement — this is indeed a unique time in your lives together — a time to seriously focus on the importance of the sacrament of matrimony. The pull to focus solely on the celebration of the wedding day itself will be strong, but avoid the temptation to spend more time on those aspects at the expense of the much more important sacramental preparation. Remember: your wedding is only a day — your marriage is a lifetime.

Steve Weidenkopf is director of the Marriage and Family Life Office for the Archdiocese of Denver.